ABFR 03

Chapter 3

Honestly, I am not a person with many lovable qualities. Even I had to admit that myself. Of course, that did not mean I was the kind of person who would kneel down and say, “Thank you for loving me.” Rather, I was the twisted sort of person who thought, ‘I don’t think I’m worth that much, so I need to cut open the belly of this bastard who says he loves me and see what he’s really thinking because I can’t trust him.’

Then, did I have the strength to cut open Railly Kraha’s belly?

No.

Even if I somehow managed to cut open his belly, would I really be able to find out what was going on inside that impossible man’s head?

Also no.

For a moment, I thought that perhaps my days of waiting endlessly for Railly Kraha had been less troublesome, but then I shook my head.

Back then, I had lived like a complete wreck. I would rummage through the convenience store refrigerator, buy a whole armful of energy drinks, suck them down all night while studying and writing, and then repeat the cycle of putting everything down again. I could not accomplish anything.

After returning from that world, I was no longer even in a state where I could casually write. I published a book called Urging the Author to Reflect, which was based on what had happened in that world with some changes, and then fell into a slump without publishing anything new for quite some time.

Yes, things were better now than they had been back then.

As for my writing slump, I had more or less overcome it myself. And thanks to having Railly beside me to take care of my daily life, I had also been able to take care of my health.

I had always been a person with a small appetite who ate little and skipped meals as naturally as breathing. Naturally, I was not exactly blessed with a healthy constitution. As a result, for the past four years, I had been going in and out of hospitals as if they had revolving doors.

Recently, I had been eating and sleeping well, but I still could not recover my stamina very easily.

I had come down to the convenience store below my studio apartment to buy some vitamin drinks. Feeling strangely sentimental, I took two energy drinks in my hands and put on a melancholy expression.

I could not even handle caffeine very well. What had I been thinking, drinking things like this back then?

I found myself thinking about Railly Kraha again for no particular reason and let out a deep sigh.

Then, all of a sudden, someone grabbed my wrist.

The large, pale hand was big enough to completely wrap around my wrist, with plenty of room to spare.

“Which crazy bastard grabs a stranger’s wrist like—”

“You said you wouldn’t drink energy drinks.”

“Ah, damn it, Doctor.”

Unfortunately, it was my physician.

He was the internal medicine doctor at the clinic in front of my apartment that I had mentioned earlier—the doctor I had seen so often that I had practically gone through his revolving door for the past four years. He was also the person who had seen my face every day for the past four years and had become almost like family to me.

For some reason, despite being skilled and wealthy enough to open his own hospital, he lived in an old and run-down neighborhood filled with students and people living alone.

Thanks to that, I often ran into him around the neighborhood.

And because I had visited his hospital so frequently that he remembered both my face and my name, I had been forced to live a healthy lifestyle under his thorough surveillance for the past four years.

Doctor Jung Si-hoon, with his pale skin and pitch-black hair, was an unbelievably handsome man.

But the moment you considered that he was my doctor, he was practically no different from a demon.

Whenever I met up with classmates I had not seen since graduation and was about to have a few shots of soju, he would somehow appear like a ghost, recite my liver test results from my previous examination, and disappear.

I was not brave enough to drink alcohol after hearing about my ruined liver, so after he left, I would be the only one drinking fruit juice.

But wasn’t sugar bad for the liver too?

Ah, whatever. Whatever.

Anyway, it was easy to guess why he had suddenly grabbed my wrist this time.

I awkwardly glanced at the energy drinks and then gave him a friendly smile.

Doctor Jung lowered his gaze at me with a rather cold expression and repeated my words in his calm, gentle doctor-like voice.

“‘Damn it, Doctor’?”

Damn. That was a problem too.

“No. I forgot a comma, so it sounded like that. What I actually said was, ‘Oh, damn, Doctor! What a pleasant surprise! It’s so good to see you!’ It was an exclamation expressing how happy I was to see you. ‘Just an exclamation.’”

“If I were your internal organs, I would have killed a owner like you a long time ago.”

Doctor Jung forcibly took the energy drinks from my hand and began putting them back into their proper places in the refrigerator one by one.

“No, you misunderstood. I wasn’t going to drink them.”

“You were caught red-handed.”

“I was just reminiscing about how there was a time when I used to drink these and still survive. Yes.”

“Why would you get sentimental about that?”

“Because I’m living a regular life these days!”

I spoke proudly and honestly while waving my index finger around, but the doctor did not look convinced at all.

He looked at me with an extremely pitiful gaze, then picked up several packs of vegetables and fruit that looked incredibly healthy and therefore incredibly tasteless. He paid for them, then came back and placed the entire bag in my arms.

“How much of the medicine I prescribed last time have you taken?”

“Come on, what do you take me for? I took it every time I ate!”

“You don’t eat only once a day.”

Damn.

That sent a shiver down my spine.

The truth was that people did not change easily. And these days, because it was assignment season, I had not been meeting Railly very often. Whenever Railly called me over and made me eat, that was the only time I had a proper meal.

Normally, I ate instant rice with instant kimchi, instant rice with seaweed, or instant rice with canned tuna.

No matter what I ate, I would eventually get tired of it anyway. Originally, wasn’t one side dish enough?

But how had the doctor figured that out?

I made a deeply regretful expression and quietly took one step backward.

“Doctor, you didn’t secretly install an illegal camera in my house, did you? That’s freaking crazy. No wonder you’ve been buying me fruit and healthy drinks and giving me healthy food every time you run into me. I’m reporting you.”

“I prescribed you enough medicine for a week and told you to come back so I could check your stomach and change the medicine if necessary. You haven’t come back even after two weeks, so it’s obvious. Not everyone in the world is like you, Ajin. You should have taken better care of yourself.”

Doctor Jung answered calmly and began picking out beer, apparently for the reason he had originally come to the convenience store.

Now that I looked, he was also holding beef jerky and peanuts in his other hand.

“Oh, Doctor, that white beer was newly imported last week, and it’s good. I recommend it.”

“How do you know what a beer newly imported last week tastes like when you were ordered not to drink last week?”

“……”

I decided to exercise my right to remain silent.

“If I were your internal organs, I really would have killed you.”

Doctor Jung smiled gently while saying something so cruel, completely ignored my opinion, and picked up several green cans.

I hurriedly changed the subject.

“Doctor, are you drinking alone? How unlucky. Drinking alone?”

“Isn’t your way of speaking the unlucky thing here?”

“What I mean is, I’ll drink with you. Alcohol is meant to go down much better when you drink with several people, isn’t it? I’ll take the white one. I’ll pay for mine, so don’t worry.”

“I have no intention of drinking with a patient who has been ordered not to drink. Put the can down.”

He scolded me as I picked up the beer I intended to drink, but both of his hands were already full of snacks and beer.

His especially dark eyes behind his glasses were fixed sharply on me.

It was a very disapproving look.

Since things had come this far, I decided to shamelessly push ahead.

“I’ll drink it even if I don’t drink with you.”

“You’re trying to drag me into this as an accomplice so you can get less nagging during your next appointment.”

“Just as expected from a doctor. You didn’t become a good student for nothing. You’re so smart.”

I even gave him a thumbs-up, but he looked at me as if I were utterly pathetic. Eventually, he let out a deep sigh and shook his head.

“Your liver levels have stabilized these days, so I’ll have one can with you. I’ll buy it, so put it up here.”

“I’m the one keeping you company.”

“Then put the can down.”

“Oh, Doctor. Please, for the sake of this foolish person, be my drinking companion. I’m dying under all these assignments and deadlines.”

Railly seemed to think I was extremely weak, so he did not like me drinking alcohol at all. Back when I was in that world, my body had been able to handle alcohol fairly well, and whenever I wanted to drink, he would usually let me.

So it was not that he hated drinking itself.

Was it because I was weak?

Even so, how many people could possibly be considered not weak by the standards of someone like Railly Kraha, who was practically superhuman?

It was unfair.

Besides, for the sake of working efficiently on assignments, a certain amount of alcohol had to be added to the system.

I happily grabbed my can of beer and sat down with him at a table outside the convenience store.

Doctor Jung pushed the beef jerky toward me and began peeling peanuts for himself.

Then he said accusingly,

“Do all freelancers live as if they have no tomorrow, like Ajin?”

“You’re making a hasty generalization and putting me down.”

I answered quickly while opening the package of beef jerky.

Doctor Jung frowned and placed several peanuts he had already peeled in front of me.

“How are you taking care of your meals these days? Even when you’re on a deadline, try not to eat cup noodles too often.”

“I’m not here for a medical consultation.”

“You’re keeping me company while I drink right now. Think of it as repayment.”

“Oh, so you admit that I’m the one keeping you company.”

“Put the can down.”

“No, thank you.”

I answered quickly.

But after gulping down my beer and letting out a satisfying “Ahhh,” the conversation naturally stopped.

I felt proud of myself for cutting off the nagging so quickly with a single exclamation and hurriedly stuffed several peanuts he had peeled into my mouth.

Under his metal-framed glasses, Doctor Jung lowered his eyes, which reflected the neon signs with a bluish-green glow. In a perfectly natural manner, he peeled several more peanuts and placed them in front of me.

The truth was, Doctor Jung and I were quite close.

About two years ago, when I was a freelancer suffering from a slump and stress, I had also been using my lack of appetite and lack of money as excuses to justify my habit of skipping meals.

Whenever I visited the hospital, he would prepare a few side dishes for me and pack them up so I could take them home.

Around the same time, I had been chasing exciting relationships and ended up getting involved with a terrible boyfriend. Doctor Jung had helped me a lot then, too.

In short, even though he always had a cold, icy face, he was actually a very warm-hearted person.

And I was someone who owed him a lot.

That was why I had come to follow him as if he were my own older brother.

Besides, there probably weren’t many crazy people in this neighborhood of college students and people living alone who had been showing their faces at the same hospital almost every day for four years.

Under the excuse of treating him like an older brother, the truth was that I had no intention of repaying his kindness. I just kept eating whatever he gave me and relying on him for everything.

But since the doctor did not seem to mind too much, it was fine.

Once again, I immediately gobbled up the peanuts he had peeled for me.

Anyway, it really was unfair.

Thanks to Railly, I had been eating something practically nonstop these days.

He had figured out early on exactly how to perform the duties of the perfect butler, preparing food in small portions that suited my picky appetite and tendency to get tired of food easily.

So whenever I was with Railly, I had no choice but to keep eating.

Though it had already been a little over a week since I had stopped seeing him so I could focus on my assignments and studies.

“I’ve actually been living pretty well these days. I sleep when I’m supposed to, sometimes cook a proper meal, eat meat regularly, eat rice, and even make sure to have dessert.”

“Did your parents or siblings come to visit?”

“No. What do you take me for? My room is too small. If my family came, I’d have to send them to a hotel or guesthouse.”

“Then did you get a roommate to reduce the rent?”

“No. That’s not it either. What exactly do you think I am?”

“I think you’re a trace of humanity that would have been an evolutionary failure and unable to survive alone if you had been born a thousand years earlier. Don’t just eat peanuts. Eat some beef jerky.”

“You really say the worst things!”

I shouted after he said it so casually, then first put the beef jerky he had torn into my mouth.

As I chewed the jerky, I raised both hands and shrugged.

Well, there was no way the doctor could have imagined that a butler would suddenly fly into my world from another dimension—specifically from my own novel—and prepare food suited to my taste every meal without letting me get tired of it.

In fact, no one would ever think of something like that.

“Of course, I’m not actually making everything myself. I’m not even that good at cooking.”

“I know. I figured that out when I made you seven different side dishes and you brought me a can of tuna as a thank-you gift.”

“Hey, is it really okay to talk about such a thoughtful gift like that? That was just me being modest! I actually am good at cooking. I just don’t do it because it’s troublesome.”

“Then what is it? A new boyfriend?”

“Oh.”

I had never introduced Railly Kraha to the people around me as my “boyfriend.”

Anyone who knew about my novel would naturally find Railly Kraha suspicious, and there had not really been an occasion to introduce him to people who did not know about my novel.

Personally, I thought of him as something like a lover.

But hearing someone else use the word made me feel strangely uncomfortable.

Was he really in my world?

I thought about it for just a moment.

“Yes. That’s it.”

I answered rather happily, but Doctor Jung immediately asked another question without even the slightest hesitation.

“It’s not another piece of trash, is it? I’m not helping you this time.”

“Two years ago, I was going through a really difficult time… It was just an embarrassing part of my past… I told you, I won’t do that again…”

“So you caught a good man this time? Your ability to judge people is about as trustworthy as your internal organs.”

“Why don’t you trust my internal organs?”

Perhaps he thought it was not worth answering, because this time he simply remained silent.

I stared coldly at him and took another sip of beer.

Good…

Good…

That bastard had never once lived his life considering other people.

He had been born in a lawless slum in a lawless territory, lived without rules or regulations, committed all sorts of evil deeds and crimes, and somehow managed to be saved.

Then, when he encountered love for the first time in his life, he immediately decided that he wanted the other person for himself.

He threatened me, acted coercively, kissed me without permission, and even told me not to return to my original world and to die by his side.

He was an insane bastard who got angry whenever another man came near me and also got angry whenever another woman came near me.

I had decided to somehow recycle him, and now he did treat me rather attentively.

But that did not mean he was not trash…

And he certainly was not particularly kind…

Fuck.

In good conscience, I could not defend him by calling him a good man.

Still, I did my best to put up a bloody shield for my lover.

“Well… how should I put it… He’s not kind… and he’s definitely trash, but he’s not that kind of trash.”

That was truly the best I could do.

“What does that even mean?”

Doctor Jung clicked his tongue as if he could not believe what he was hearing and held out his beer can.

I awkwardly bumped my can against his.

“Anyway, date him properly this time. Don’t get involved in anything strange like last time.”

“Yes. I’ll try.”

Though it was not really something that would be solved just by me trying.

Once again, I thought about the problem of my love with Railly Kraha that had been troubling me recently and gulped down my beer.

Whether it was assignments, deadlines, stress, or love…

There really was nothing like alcohol.

If I just tried to think positively and live my life, maybe things would somehow work out.

Fuck, what was going to work out?

I put the beer can down irritably.

I had never been swept away by something like love before, so I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do in a situation like this.